‘From the minute he was born I felt no love for him. I was convinced that they had handed me the wrong child. I had no bond with him’
According to koodakpress، A mother-of-two has revealed her battle with postnatal depression – which left her with ‘no love’ for her baby who she left home alone when she went to buy a Mars Bar.
Jodi Dowse said she will “never forgive herself” for the way she initially felt about and treated her child.
The 29-year-old suffered so badly from the illness that she felt “no love” for her first son and was convinced the hospital had handed her the wrong child.
She said that for the first three years of son Taylan’s life she “failed” him, ignoring his crying in the night and generally not paying attention to him.
When Taylan was just a-year-and-a-half old, struggling Ms Dowse left him alone in his cot one night at her flat in Lawrence Weston, Bristol – to feed a chocolate craving.
Ms Dowse, who had Taylan when she was 21, said: “No one in their right mind would leave a child in a flat alone while they went out to get a bar of chocolate.
“The fact I did without thinking about it showed that I was being totally controlled by this illness.”
She added: “From the minute he was born I felt no love for him. I was convinced that they had handed me the wrong child. I had no bond with him.
Fitness instructor Ms Dowse said that it was only when she met partner Ben Packham, when Taylan was a year old, that she realised her behaviour was not normal.
“Ben realised that the way I was behaving with my son was not right,” said Jodi. “It was Ben that was getting up in the night to him when he cried. I just felt like I didn’t care.”
With the support of Mr Packham, Ms Dowse attended a mothers’ group and realised how badly her postnatal depression was affecting her.
She sought help from a doctor and went for regular check-ups – and slowly her relationship with Taylan, now seven, began to improve.
She said: “We have a good relationship now. I adore him and love him like a mother should. Our relationship is better than it’s ever been.”
But Ms Dowse added that her neglect of Taylan during his early years had a “massive” effect on his development – and that she feels guilty for that every day.
“My lack of attention and being unable to create that special bond with Taylan has had a massive effect on him,” said Ms Dowse. “He did not speak until he was four and when he went to nursery at first was unable to put pen to paper.
“Taylan was two years behind where he should be because of my PND. I live with that guilt every day. As a mother I felt I had failed him.”
In the autumn of 2015, she fell pregnant again.
She said that the first six months of her pregnancy were ‘textbook’, adding: “I felt happy and excited and loved by bump.”
But in the latter part of her pregnancy, those feelings drastically changed.